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Sonic Syndicate: Love and other disasters

10/09/08 || Lord K Philipson

It’s easy to make “enemies” (aka The Keyboard Ninjas of the world) when you run the world’s finest metal webzine, aka Global Domination. Most bands can’t take harsh criticism though it’s deserved. We don’t fucken care how long you spent time in the studio recording your new album, we just pay attention to what we hear. And if we think it fucken blows – trust me – you will fucken know. Most bands can’t even take some nicely served personal insults without starting to cry their hearts out. Most bands have no fucken humour, self-distance or even a remote connection with reality. Most bands can and should go fuck themselves.

Some bands can have a laugh over what we have written about them. We love those bands. We respect those bands. What section Sonic Syndicate belongs in we have yet to find out. With that out of the system, let’s move into hostile territory.

This coverage is going to be way longer than it actually needs to be. There’s also a slight chance that it’ll be somewhat incoherent and fucked up structure-wise. I’m not even sure if it’ll deal with the music that much either, to be honest. I reviewed these fuckers’ last album some time ago. Staffer The Abyss covered their debut shortly thereafter. Now it’s time for me to head into the third offering from these Boyzone-meets-In Flames assholes. Lemme do this a bit different compared to last time around. I will use some quotes (edited, so I won’t have to use the whole fucken thing) from my previous review and then we’ll see how it matches up to what Sonic Peniscake managed to cook for us now in the second half of 2008, ok? Here we go.

“When you are on tour you get handed all kinds of fucken magazines. In pretty much each and every one of these magazines Sonic Syndicate were featured.”

I can’t say if SS’s been featured in magazines ever since I did that tour, but I do know they have played pretty much every festival around. I have seen some video blogs from the studio when they recorded this album and whatnot though… And every time I see this fucken vocalist guy (they are 2 singers, but just watch any given clip of them and you’ll know who I mean. It’s only one of them who’s so annoying it’ll make you fucken explode) I wanna punch him so hard in the face it’ll make a hole where I can insert DVD’s and whatnot, later on turning his fucken face into a DVD rental store. I guess he’s convinced he’s a major rockstar now since they have been in all the “important” magazines and whatnot. I am not impressed. You want proof of one extremely annoying human being? Here you go:

1. Look, I’m famous and I even have a shirt that says so!
2. Here I am again, drunk and über-cool, yah?

What is this fucken guy, 5 years old? Let’s move on…

“And in each and every fucken magazine the chick in the band looked great. “

And then she went all “I don’t wanna be a sex-symbol so I’ll cut my hair short. Anything for credibility. After all, I’m a musician. But ok, I’ll do that sexy photo shoot in pretty much nothing but a pair of clownshoes”. It’s not about looks, you know. Right? She could be one hell of a bassist. Right? Like a fucken female version of Steve DiGiorgio even, right? Nobody cares though. Including me.

“It seems like In Flames changed their moniker and one of the guys had a sex change. A decent rip off, sure, but nonetheless lacking every bit of an own identity these guys really need. I don’t think Sonic Syndicate could fucken spell “identity” if their lives depended on it.”

I cannot say that much has happened since I wrote those lines some year back. They continue with their Backstreet Boys metal (or was it Boyzone?) like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Everything on this album is so fucken full of cheese my stomach hurts. Then again, I can’t help but to enjoy it a little, just like last time. I have been listening to “Love and other disasters” twice while going back and forth to this review, coming to the conclusion yet again that this is easy listening. Nothing sticks, but it’s good for background music. Well-produced, cheesy, melodic, nauseating, competently played and… COMPLETELY FUCKEN SOULLESS. But Sonic Syndicate is not about “soul”. They are about selling records. And I’m positive they do just that to some extent. And I understand why. Soulless music is bought by the masses. Remember the Danish Aqua, anyone? Or Sweden’s Ace Of Base? Not that Sonic Syndicate is anywhere near those giants, but hey… I rest my case. I piss on your face. No place for disgrace. Suck my mace.

Enough already.

“One last thing, Sonic Syndicate should be fucken stoned to death for destroying the fantastic TATU song “All about us”.”

That still stands. You must never be forgiven.

Lemme finish with a few things… This album is not nearly as catchy as that other piece I reviewed (I can’t even remember the title at the moment). We get some full-on boyband metal with the occasional repulsive semi-ballad (“Contradiction”, “My escape”), some PAIN influences (“Power shift”), In Flames thefts (“Jack of diamonds” and basically most of the other tunes) and that’s that. Nothing that moves me, nothing that touches me in any way, but still I enjoy it thanx to the great production and the tailor-made cheese that makes this an easy ride to go thru.

Still, that fucken vocalist idiot needs to chill the fuck out, return to Earth and understand that he’s not Madonna even if his vagina says otherwise. The same goes for that incredibly stupid fucken vocalist/mega superstar (in his own mind) of Sweden’s Lillasyster. Finally I got to piss on him as well. And he knows he deserves it. To finally wrap this shit up; Sonic Syndicate could be the coolest shit since Samantha Fox flaunted her chest the first time back in the 80’s, had it not been for the fact that they are not and never will be.

6 “Love and other disasters” (the movie) is prolly better than this album out of 10. And I haven’t even seen it. Or 6 “I’m fucken proud of this review” out of 10. Or 6 “that chick looked better with long hair” out of 10. Or even 6 “fuck this shit, I’m fucken outta here” out of 10.

Information
Released: 2008
Label: Nuclear Blast
Website: www.sonicsyndicate.com
Band
Roland Johansson: vocals
Richard Sjunnesson: vocals
Roger Sjunnesson: guitars
Robin Sjunnesson: guitars
Karin Axelsson: bass
John Bengtsson: drums

Tracklist
01. Engaged
02. Hellgate Worcester
03. Jack of diamonds
04. My escape
05. Fallout
06. Power shift
07. Contradiction
08. Damage control
09. Red eyed friend
10. Affliction

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